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Please note: This article is not geared toward all men. This is just a series of ruminations I’ve had about what a recent Vogue article says, and the truths about the modern-day patriarchy.

Vogue posted an article titled: written by Chanté Joseph.

My initial reaction was a lot of mixed feelings. As someone who’s in a relationship with a man, I think that’s a reasonable reaction. The article goes on to define what “Boyfriend Land” is, which is where a woman’s online identity centers around the lives of their significant other instead of their own. Others were the complete opposite, barely posting anything about their partner or covering their faces if captured in a photograph. Perhaps this is due to privacy, but some claimed that they feared bad vibes or that, one day, their boyfriend would embarrass them beyond repair and didn’t want any digital evidence of their existence.

Somebody probably commented, “Baddie behavior” on this thing, but is it?

There’s definitely been a change in the script of modern-day romance, and it’s probably due to a lot of things. As I’ve gotten older– and I’m sure the people in my generation can agree with me on this –there has been a consistent lack of effort from men while dating (or attempting to date) women. For example: doors. Growing up, my Dad would always hold the door open for my Mom, but I haven’t seen the same behavior occur within Gen Z as much. I brought this up to one of my coworkers, and he told me that a date found it offensive that he held the door open for them. Apparently, she “could hold the door herself.”

As much of a rude response as that is, it’s important to sink your teeth into that a little bit. Don’t you think women are tired of being the “Damsel in Distress,” always needing help? Coming from a woman, I think there’s this little, tiny part of us that’s silently afraid of not being capable of doing anything as well as a man could.

And... it’s a disarming feeling.

Perhaps that is why having a boyfriend is embarrassing now. A boyfriend tells society that you are not able to stand on your own, unable to get a good job without help, etc. However, in reality, your partner should be there to lift you up and encourage you, not be a setback. This is where I believe the divide is coming from. Instead of asking “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?,” I think a more appropriate question would be:

“Is my partner holding me back from my true potential?”

This little blurb has caused millions of breakups. And– the author chuckles –the image that comes to mind is the guy breaking up with his girlfriend, telling her about the grandiose opportunities that wait for him on the horizon. He rides into the sunset, thinking she will watch him melt into the sun. Likewise, I feel like when people are in a new relationship, they begin to let all of their core habits go because you mimic the behavior of your partner.

My boyfriend? Doesn’t touch a dumbbell. I didn’t work out for a year, and now I’m starting to get back into it again. There seems to be this point where you realize that you’re your own person and say, “Whoa. I can do the same things I was doing when I was single.”

The things your partner fell in love with you over are probably some things that you haven’t done in a hot second. Even the habits that your partner didn’t fall in love with (in my case, the gym) are probably ones you haven’t done in a while.

So, I don’t think it’s having a boyfriend or girlfriend that’s embarrassing, but the embarrassment of knowing that you’ve limited yourself through the action (or inaction) of yourself.

Take that, Vogue. Master Oogway, out. *drops mic*

I hope that you guys liked my take on this article, and let me know if I should do more of these! You’re always welcome to reach out to me over email.

Stay warm out there!
Bea